Life sure has a funny way of reminding us of how little control we actually have. A sudden layoff, a global crisis, or even just the unraveling of plans we were certain would pan out — moments like these can leave us feeling like we’re caught in a riptide with no shoreline in sight. The instinctive response is often to try and wrestle control back, to grip tighter to whatever certainty we can find. But research suggests that the key to coping isn’t in trying to force the world back into order – it’s in how we steady ourselves in the chaos.
Psychologists often talk about the importance of perceived control – the belief that we have some influence over the things around us. It’s not about having control over everything necessarily, but rather feeling like we’re active participants in our own lives. Studies have shown that people with a higher sense of perceived control tend to experience less anxiety and have better overall well-being, even in unpredictable situations. The challenge is in finding ways to nurture that sense of agency when the world around us is anything but predictable.
One of the most powerful tools to practice this is through anchoring ourselves in the present moment. Mindfulness exercises – which can be as simple as paying attention to your breath or noticing the texture of the coffee mug in your hand – have been shown in countless studies to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation. What makes mindfulness so effective isn’t just the act of focusing on the present. Mindful practice can gently remind us that we have the ability to be self-controlled amidst the chaos, and that we have the power to make a moment feel more okay (even just a little bit).
Another way to reclaim a sense of stability is by focusing on small, concrete actions. When everything feels overwhelming, it’s easy to spiral on not knowing what to do or where to start. But breaking things down into tiny, manageable steps – even something as small as making your bed or texting a friend – can give your brain a much-needed signal that you’re still capable of creating change. Behavioral activation, a core component of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), operates on the principle that action precedes motivation. Small acts do build up, and they can quietly help to rebuild a person’s sense of agency in the process.
It’s also worth remembering that acceptance doesn’t mean resignation. Radical acceptance – a concept rooted in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) – is about acknowledging reality as it is without judgment or resistance. It doesn’t mean you have to like what’s happening, but it can mean making peace with the fact that fighting against the things you can’t change only makes things harder. From that place of acceptance, you can focus your energy on what is within your power: how you respond, how you care for yourself, and how you keep moving forward.
In a world that feels increasingly uncertain, the idea of surrendering control can feel a bit backwards – even frightening at times. But there’s a quiet kind of strength in shifting the focus from controlling the waves to learning how to steady yourself in the current. The shore may still be out of sight, but you’re not powerless. Even in the most turbulent times, there’s a quiet kind of resilience that lives within us – a reminder that we’ve weathered storms before, and we can find our way through again. You’re still here, still breathing, still capable of choosing your next small step – and oftentimes, that’s more than enough!