Today’s blog was inspired by my fearless clients, ages 7 to 17, who have shared their personal experiences of how it feels not to be heard, specifically by their parents. I want to encourage parents to continue developing listening skills when their children advocate for themselves.
It is easy to forget that your child has a voice when your primary role since birth has been to speak for them when they couldn’t. Self-advocacy is an essential life skill that empowers children to express their needs, desires, and boundaries. By becoming better listeners, you support their growth and strengthen your bond with them. I want to share some tips that I received directly from my clients to help parents support their children as they navigate through their self-advocacy journey.
- Create a Safe Space for Open Dialogue
- Set Aside Dedicated Time: Ensure there are moments in your day when your child knows they have your full attention, such as dinner, before bedtime, or on a weekend walk.
- Remove Distractions: Put away phones, turn off the TV, and focus solely on your child. This physical act of removing distractions signals that their voice is your priority.
- Encourage Open Communication: Let your child know they can come to you with any concerns or thoughts without fear of judgment or immediate reaction.
- Practice Active Listening
- Make Eye Contact: This simple act shows that you are engaged and interested in what your child is saying.
- Use Reflective Responses: Repeat what your child said to show you understand. For example, “So, you’re saying you feel overwhelmed with your homework?”
- Avoid Interrupting: Let your child finish their thoughts before you respond. Interruptions can discourage them from expressing themselves fully.
- Validate Their Feelings
- Acknowledge Their Emotions: Whether or not you agree with what your child is saying, it’s important to validate their feelings. For example, “I can see that this is important to you” or “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated.”
- Avoid Dismissing Their Concerns: Phrases like “You’ll get over it” or “It’s not a big deal” can make your child feel unheard. Instead, show empathy by saying, “I understand this is tough for you.”
- Encourage Problem-Solving
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Guide your child to think critically about their situation by asking questions like, “What do you think would help?” or “How would you like to handle this?”
- Support Their Decisions: Even if you would handle things differently, supporting your child’s decisions is as important as letting them take the lead. This empowers them to trust their judgment.
- Be a Resource, Not a Director: Offer advice or suggestions only when asked, and try to frame your input as additional options rather than directives.
- Model Good Listening Habits
- Demonstrate Active Listening in Your Interactions: Show your child how to listen by being a good listener in everyday interactions, not just with them but with others.
- Admit When You’re Wrong: If you do not listen or respond poorly, apologize and correct it. This shows your child that everyone, including parents, can improve their listening skills.
- Show Respect for Their Opinions: Even if you disagree, respect their right to have and express their opinion. This teaches them that their voice matters.
- Reflect and Adjust
- Seek Feedback: Ask your child about your listening skills. Are there times when they feel unheard? What can you do better?
- Adapt Your Approach: Children’s needs evolve as they grow. Be willing to adjust your listening strategies as they develop new ways of expressing themselves.
Incorporating these tips will foster independence, confidence, and mutual respect. By practicing active listening, validating their feelings, and encouraging problem-solving, you help your child develop the tools to navigate the world with self-assurance. Remember, the goal isn’t to solve all their problems but to empower them to find their voice and trust in it. Through your support, your child can grow into a strong, self-advocating individual who knows they’re always heard at home.