Disclaimer: This post will not mirror everyone’s experience. In fact, it might just be a generalized trope that is adopted by a select few women. Women who are healing from a moderately similar, but ever-common experience: divorce. Either way, I hope this helps you.
Rachel Hollis, author of many titles, including: Didn’t See That Coming, related the healing process after divorce like painting bathroom cabinets. I know, this seems like a really strange metaphor, but hear me out.
You bought an adorable little house- the one you’ve been dreaming of for your whole life. The windows let in the perfect amount of light, and the scenery outside is the picture of serene. There is a constant breeze that wafts through the windows when you open them, and you are surrounded by peace as you walk around your home. That is, until you enter the bathroom. Inside this bathroom, you are jarred from your peaceful trance and brought back to a surprising reality: the bathroom cabinets are not at all what you had pictured! The paint is the most horrid color you could have dreamed up– why on earth would someone select this awful shade for this stunning house?– you think to yourself. No worries. You will simply paint the cabinets.
You immediately drive to the paint store where you select a tasteful color that perfectly mirrors your style. In your excitement, you come home and immediately start to layer on the color over the current cabinets. After a few hours of labor, your project is complete! The bathroom, as if by magic, has seamlessly joined the rest of the house in style and taste.
In order to relax and relieve your aching muscles, you draw yourself a hot bath. The tub is just what you needed! The hot water and bubbles make the hard work of painting cabinets seem like a worthwhile endeavor. Plus, the cabinets look amazing. After soaking until the water runs cold, you turn to look at your hard work, only to realize that the paint has started to bubble up from the cabinet wood. “Oh no, oh no, oh no!” You breathe aloud. The color hasn’t stuck. Just as you get in closer to examine the bubbles, and touch your pointer finger to one of the largest pockets, it bursts, revealing the horrible color you tried so hard to cover up.
This experience is a mild mirror for divorce. You can have something that you thought was perfect, only to realize that there is a major character flaw. When you try to cover up the pieces that no longer fit what you want, the process is not as seamless as you once thought. While you can work hard to build up layers, you ultimately have to sand and expose your surface for real healing to begin.
I encourage you, when the time is right and it is time for healing to begin, to seek counseling and a safe space to explore these emotions.
–This metaphor was borrowed from the book, Didn’t See That Coming, by Rachel Hollis.