Over time, I’ve come to see the world around us as a mirror. Our friendships, relationships, and workplace dynamics often reflect the patterns in our thoughts and behaviors. It’s a classic chicken-and-egg dilemma—what comes first? Are our internal patterns shaping our environment, or is our environment shaping us? Realistically, it’s both. The more we build awareness of these reflections, the more we can learn about ourselves. But I’ll be the first to admit—self-awareness can be exhausting.
When I need a break from my own introspection, I turn on reality TV, specifically Bravo. I know what many people are thinking: Reality TV isn’t real! It’s all produced! And you’re not wrong. Many of the conflicts and storylines are nudged along by clever producers. But I like to think of reality TV as “fake” in the same way a zoo is fake. Just as you wouldn’t naturally see giraffes roaming around Middle Tennessee, you wouldn’t expect a group of people who despise each other to willingly leave their families behind to go on a vacation where they will spend most of the time yelling at each other. That doesn’t mean it isn’t entertaining—or that we can’t learn something from the emotions and dynamics playing out on screen.
I find myself drawn to these shows not just as a casual viewer but as someone deeply curious about interpersonal dynamics. Reality TV, for all its drama, is ultimately about people navigating relationships—sometimes well, sometimes terribly. What makes the Bravo universe particularly interesting is how it exposes conflict in its rawest forms: betrayals, shifting alliances, and emotional outbursts that would feel extreme in the real world but, in their essence, are universal.
Conflicts abound in reality television. We get to see how conflicts are both addressed and avoided. Many arguments stem from perceived slights, shifting loyalties, and the ever-present accusation of being “fake.” The way these conflicts are handled varies dramatically: some people approach issues head-on, demanding accountability, while others resort to passive-aggression, gossip, or outright avoidance. I can’t help but notice how these behaviors mirror the ways myself, friends, family, and clients struggle with conflict resolution in our own lives. Some people grow up in environments where confrontation is explosive and volatile, making them either hyper-confrontational or deeply conflict-averse as adults. Others have learned to use manipulation or indirect communication as a means of self-protection. Watching these dynamics unfold on screen provides an opportunity to reflect on how we, too, navigate difficult conversations.
But we cannot have conflict without relationships. These shows serve as a masterclass in both toxic relationships and personal growth (or lack thereof). At their worst, friendships and romantic entanglements highlight recurring patterns of betrayal, codependency, and impulsive decision-making. We watch people repeatedly engage in destructive behavior—lying, cheating, gaslighting—only to offer hollow apologies that temporarily mend relationships before the cycle begins again. This is essentially a study in recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns and understanding why people struggle to break free from them. Time and time again, we see individuals accept mistreatment, hoping that this time will be different, only to end up hurt once more. However, at their best, we see these relationships reflect allegiance and unconditional love. We watch friends and partners defend the character of someone they love, even if it means nationwide criticism. We also get a first hand look of friends meeting and strengthening their connection over years.
In addition to one on one relationships, we get to see the complexities of the dynamics in a friend group, leading to inevitable clashes over loyalty, communication, and personal boundaries. One thing that repeatedly emerges in these friendships is the power of cliques. Alliances shift, people feel excluded, and resentments build over perceived betrayals. It’s a dynamic that plays out in everyday life—at work, within families, even among childhood friends who’ve grown in different directions. Watching these patterns on screen allows for reflection: What role do we play in our own friend groups? Are we the peacekeeper, the instigator, the avoidant one?
From a therapeutic perspective, I find that these shows—while heightened and edited for entertainment—offer valuable insights into group dynamics. Loyalty, for example, is often presented as an unquestioning allegiance to a friend, even when they are in the wrong. This kind of blind loyalty can be dangerous, reinforcing unhealthy behaviors rather than encouraging accountability. On the flip side, we also see the damage caused by friends who suddenly withdraw their support, leaving someone feeling abandoned or ostracized. These patterns are incredibly common, and watching them unfold in such an exaggerated manner can help us reflect on our own experiences with friendship, trust, and belonging.
Of course, one of the most interesting aspects of Bravo shows is the way conflict is ultimately resolved- or, in many cases, not resolved at all. In healthy instances, we see cast members sit down, talk through their issues, take responsibility for their actions, and genuinely attempt to move forward. But more often, resolution comes in the form of avoidance, forced apologies, or temporary truces that inevitably crumble under the weight of unresolved resentment. This mirrors what I see in therapy: people who want closure but struggle to truly forgive, or who apologize without actually changing their behavior. Watching these flawed resolutions can be a reminder of how important it is to engage in genuine, intentional conflict resolution—something that is easier said than done.
While reality TV is often dismissed as frivolous, I see it as a fascinating, exaggerated reflection of real-life emotional struggles. The Bravo universe, in particular, serves as a playground for examining human behavior—how we handle conflict, how we navigate friendships, and how we repeat patterns without even realizing it. If we watch with a critical eye, these shows can serve as more than just entertainment; they can be an unexpected tool for self-reflection. After all, it’s easy to judge the mistakes of a Housewife or a SUR bartender from the comfort of our couches, but the real challenge is asking ourselves: In what ways do I do the same?