I often hold space for people navigating marginalization and all of the nuances that come with that experience. There are so many ways healing can show up for someone, but the one that seems the most powerful is community. I’ve seen the power of community, and just as crucially, the power of solidarity. Allyship is a term that often comes up in advocacy spaces, but it can be misunderstood, misused, or underdeveloped.
This post is not about being a perfect ally. It’s about being a good one. A good ally is committed, accountable, and humble, and it starts with shifting how we think about allyship in the first place.
Allyship is a term used for ALL marginalized communities
Let’s broaden the lens. While “ally” is often used in the context of LGBTQ+ rights, true allyship spans across all marginalized groups. Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color. People living with disabilities. Religious minorities. Immigrant communities. Neurodivergent individuals. Survivors of violence. Fat bodies. People navigating poverty. People with criminal records.
Each of these communities experiences systems of oppression- sometimes overlapping, sometimes unique. Being a good ally means showing up not just when it’s trendy or socially convenient, but in quiet, sustained, meaningful ways. It also means recognizing that allyship is not a label we get to give ourselves just because we believe we’re kind or open-minded. It’s a practice, a set of ongoing actions, choices, and listening postures that must center the lived experiences of the people we claim to support.
Don’t Make Yourself the Main Character
This might be the most common misstep among well-intentioned allies: centering themselves in the narrative.
You’ve likely seen someone post about a protest they attended, a donation they made, or a book they read on racial justice. Sometimes the tone of these posts reads more like a performance than a pledge. It says: “Look at me helping,” instead of “Look at the community doing powerful work, here’s how I’m supporting them.”
Here’s the thing: If you’re showing up just to be seen, you’re not really showing up for the right reasons. Good allyship can be quiet or bold, but is always rooted in humility. If you decide to share your support publicly, ask yourself “Am I highlighting the voices and work of those most impacted,” “Am I acknowledging that I am not the expert in this space,” or “Am I contributing to awareness, or just seeking praise?”
A good rule of thumb: Use your platform to pass the mic, not to build your brand. When you’re not sure whether to post, don’t. Keep learning. Keep showing up. The impact will ripple far beyond your social feed.
Be a Co-Conspirator, Not Just an Ally
The term “co-conspirator” has become more widely used in activist circles because it demands more. Allyship, at times, can imply passivity. A co-conspirator, however, is someone who is in it with the community. They’re taking risks. They’re getting uncomfortable. They’re backing up their values with action, even when no one is watching. They’re aligned not just in support, but in struggle and vision.
A co-conspirator says: “I will call out harm, even if it costs me something,” “I will not wait for you to educate me—I’ll do my own work,” or “Your liberation is tied to mine.” This shift matters because it reflects a deeper solidarity. Rather than helping “others,” co-conspirators acknowledge that systems of oppression hurt all of us by dehumanizing and disconnecting us.
Big or small, your actions matter and add up. A co-conspirator doesn’t wait for the perfect opportunity to make a difference. They do what they can, with what they have, where they are and keep learning along the way.
Listen and Do Your Own Inner Work
Therapists are trained to listen deeply—to hear what’s being said, what’s not being said, and what’s being communicated through body language or silence. This same skill is essential in allyship. Marginalized communities do not need saviors. They need space. They need amplification. They need resourced support. And that starts with listening.
When someone tells you that something you said or did was harmful, don’t rush to defend yourself. Don’t center your guilt or intention. Instead, pause. Reflect. Say, “Thank you for trusting me with that. I’m going to sit with this and do better.” Remember, listening doesn’t mean waiting for your turn to talk, it means valuing someone else’s reality as truth, even when it challenges your own.
What do we do when our truth is challenged as a result of listening? We confront our existing biases and privileges. Therapy can be a powerful place to unpack this. As a trauma therapist, I see firsthand how systems of oppression show up in our bodies, our relationships, and our beliefs. Doing your inner work is not just for personal growth—it’s essential for relational justice. You cannot show up for others authentically if you haven’t done the work to know your own blind spots.
Accept That You Will Mess Up—and Keep Going
There is no such thing as a flawless ally or co-conspirator. You will mess up. You will say the wrong thing. You will get called in, or called out. That’s part of the process. The question is: What will you do next?
Being a good ally doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being accountable. Apologize sincerely. Repair where you can. Learn what needs to be learned. And keep showing up. Allyship is a lifelong journey. It’s not a one-time post during Pride Month. It’s not a hashtag during a crisis. It’s a daily commitment to equity, justice, and collective healing.
We often glamorize activism, turning it into photo ops and sound bites. But real allyship? It’s not always shiny. It can be awkward, painful, and exhausting. It requires nuance, patience, and stamina. It also offers something deeply beautiful: the chance to be part of creating a world that feels safe, inclusive, and liberating for everyone. A world where trauma is met with care, and where no one has to navigate it alone.
So don’t aim to be the hero. Aim to be the steady hand, the witness, the learner, the teammate. Be a co-conspirator in the collective journey toward healing and justice. As you keep showing up, remember: it’s not about being the best ally. It’s about being a better one—today, tomorrow, and again the next day