Grief is an uncomfortable and unfortunate part of the human experience; and to compound this issue, our society often perpetuates an unhealthy idea of how to heal through our grief. This post seeks to debunk the grief myth, and propose some ideas on how to allow yourself to heal with kindness.
The Fake Stages:
That’s right, I said it. The stages of grief were not meant to be taken as a rule for how a person progresses through grief, but rather as a potential guide. These stages were originally created by a woman named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who sought to explain how people diagnosed with a terminal illness move through their process of notice to acceptance. The five commonly known stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. While these stages still have validity, it has become socially misappropriated into a timeline for how everyone should navigate grief.
Greif is Sadness:
While feeling a deep sadness is the most common emotion connected to grief, it is a myth that grief can be reduced to one feeling alone. Many people experience a wide array of emotions with their grief including anger, confusion, depression.
Greif is Linear:
As you may be able to predict from the heading, it is a common myth that grief is linear, and that one moves through their grieving process in one straight trajectory. This could not be farther from the truth. Healing is messy and full of waves, so it would be unrealistic to expect yourself to heal quickly and in a straight, predictable fashion.
Timelines:
There are some harmful, “pop culture” notions that certain events take concrete time periods to overcome. For example, a breakup will take two and a half times the length of the relationship to heal from, or two and a half years after divorce you will feel comfortable dating. While a timeline can help create hope for healing, these time periods are completely dependent on each individual and how they connect with and process the event they are grieving.There are many myths that can be debunked, however it might be helpful to think about some of the things you should do if you are grieving.
- Give yourself permission to grieve. At times, there are personal and external pressures that cause us to bypass or attempt to circumvent the grieving process. While grief is a very uncomfortable emotion to sit with, part of the healing process is experiencing the variety of emotions that come with it.
- Take Care of Yourself. Grief is all encompassing, and truly exhausting. Due to the fact that grief is mentally and physically taxing, it is important to meet and exceed your basic needs for sleep, eating well, and physical activity.
- Find Support. Grief can be isolating. Sometimes, surrounding yourself with friends, family, support groups, or even seeking therapy, can make a huge difference on your emotional wellbeing.
If you are in a stage of life where you are experiencing grief, speaking to a therapist can help aid in untangling the event, processing what has happened, and establishing the best healing routine for you.