The holidays arrive, adorned in nostalgia but pulsing with anxiety, especially for those who’ve experienced religious trauma. Navigating family dynamics during this time often involves setting boundaries—an essential to protect your psyche.
I want to clarify the difference between a boundary and a request. A boundary is something you set to protect your emotional and mental health. It’s about what you will or won’t tolerate. For example, “I’m not comfortable discussing , and I’ll leave if it continues.” A request asks someone to change their behavior without repercussions if they don’t comply. For example, “Please stop asking about my faith.” While requests can be part of setting boundaries, they depend on the other person, which is unpredictable. Boundaries, however, give you control over your responses.
What Boundaries Do You Want to Set?
- Are they causing harm?
- Would you still want this relationship if they never change?
- Are there things you like about them regardless of their beliefs?
Handling Heated Topics
Imagine you’re at a holiday dinner. Your uncle won’t stop complaining about “wokeness” and how badly Christians are persecuted. The comments are derogatory, and your patience disintegrates. How can you respond?
- Decide on your boundary “I’m not comfortable discussing politics/religion at dinner.”
- Communicate your boundary “I’d like to enjoy this meal without discussing politics/religion.”
- Follow If they persist, stay calm and re-enforce your boundary. “I’m leaving for a bit. Let me know when we can return to other topics.” You leave, not in anger, but with agency intact.
Boundaries Protect Everyone
While the process feels uncomfortable at first, it’s a compassionate milestone for yourself and family. Boundaries are the most effective tool for reprogramming—because they protect the self without sacrificing autonomy. Embrace them. They’re not control. They’re survival.