Every January, many of us feel tempted to set big goals and hold ourselves to high expectations, only to find ourselves caught in a cycle of self-blame and frustration by February. In a society that is constantly trying to sell us something, New Year goals are not only trendy, they’re part of a billion-dollar industry.
Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t grow. In fact, you will likely grow this year in some way regardless, because growth and change are part of being human. So take a breath and give yourself credit for making it through the year, no matter what goals were set back in January. You are not capable of predicting the future but you can create intentions.
As a therapist, I don’t help people change by pushing harder. I help them change by making goals more realistic, more humane, and more aligned with how our brains and nervous systems actually work.
Here’s how to approach New Year goals in a way that actually sticks.
Before You Set a Goal: Ask yourself..
- What is already taking up most of my energy right now?
- What does my life realistically allow space for in this season?
- What am I expecting of myself that I wouldn’t expect of someone I care about?
Values Over Pressure
- What do I want more of this year — not less of?
- When do I feel most grounded, present, or aligned?
- If no one else knew about my goals, what would still matter to me?
Making Goals Sustainable
- What is the smallest version of this goal that would still be meaningful?
- What would this look like on a hard day?
- How could “good enough” still count as progress?
When Things Don’t Go as Planned
- How do I usually respond when I fall behind?
- What would a kinder, more supportive response sound like?
- What helps me restart instead of quit?
Redefining Success
- What progress am I already making that I overlook?
- How have I grown in ways that don’t show up on a checklist?
- What would success look like if rest were included?
- What would it mean to treat myself like someone I’m trying to help?
- What intention feels supportive rather than demanding?
This year is about gently moving toward behaviors that support a sense of safety, stability, and capability. That may look like eating more consistently, engaging in activities or hobbies when possible, and practicing self-compassion. You are doing the best you can. Willingness to take even one small step creates space for learning and growth.