When I first began my education as a clinical social worker, I was assigned The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff. At the time, I was unfamiliar with the concept of self-compassion and deeply self-critical. That workbook laid the foundation for a kind of healing I now use in both my personal life and clinical practice.
For me, self-compassion was like taking my own foot off my neck. It was a reimagining of how I saw myself opening up possibilities that no amount of tough love, self-esteem, or punishment ever could. Self-worth was no longer something I had to earn through doing instead it became a basic human right I learned to claim again and again.
Self-compassion is often described as having three core components: Self-Kindness, Mindfulness, and Common Humanity. These pillars serve as antidotes to self-judgment, over-identification, and isolation. Together, they create a framework that with time and practice can profoundly shift how we relate to ourselves.
Self-Kindness is the practice of treating yourself with care and understanding, especially in moments of difficulty. It’s asking, “What do I need right now?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”
Common Humanity expands our perspective to include the universal nature of struggle, failure, and imperfection. For example, I’m not the only one who struggles with managing time, maintaining healthy relationships, or regulating anger. Choosing to see our challenges as part of the shared human experience can keep us from isolating in shame.
Mindfulness, the third pillar, involves meeting our present-moment experience with awareness and balance neither ignoring it nor getting swept away in it. It’s about observing our thoughts without judgment, gently guiding ourselves back to the moment. Mindfulness helps us hold the parts of ourselves we find hard to accept: our limitations, flaws, and unresolved feelings.
In essence, self-compassion is about meeting ourselves where we are with kindness, especially in the face of suffering, discomfort, or change. It doesn’t treat self-worth as something conditional based on performance, achievement, or meeting expectations. Instead, it’s a steady practice of offering yourself care, even when you feel you don’t deserve it.