Dear self: for you to read whenever you forget.
I hope this letter finds you well and warm, safe and happy, and I want you to know that you deserve those things very deeply. It is January and you have done so well and I am so immensely proud of you. These things are sometimes hard to say to yourself out loud, so I figured writing them down for you to read back to yourself will help.
Every day since you started this terrifying journey a few months ago, you have grown so much. Whether it be from the small, everyday things that you told yourself you wouldn’t be able to do in the slightest, or the large, unexpected things that you learned along the way. It’s hard hearing what most everyone told you, that time heals everything and sometimes that’s the case, but sometimes it’s really hard to hear. But, looking back where you are now and it almost being five months since, it hasn’t gone away completely on some days, some days it hits us hard and that is okay, it’s important to note that, but you’ve kept going and made the next step each morning. I do not think that’s a bad thing to have cared for someone so much. You put so much love into everything you do. I know you’re a caretaker and you like to have people to talk to, that you care about people a lot so please don’t lose that. Because looking around you, you can see that for a long time you were surrounded by a lot of really cold and difficult hurt, and no you aren’t being dramatic even though for years you were told every time that you were being overly dramatic on what you were sensitive about and what you cared about, so do not discount how much you feel towards your accomplishments. Every small thing has been a step out into unknown territory, and it’s been scary, but every time you learned how to bear it a little easier. You learned how to pick your head up after.
I want you to know that even five months from now you’ll still be okay and hopefully you find this and read it. I know it’s something you’ve struggled with your whole life but if this is at least taught you anything it’s that placing your value in the hands of someone else is harmful to you. You don’t have to jam the wrong jigsaw piece in even though you really dislike an incomplete puzzle.
So, understand that taking this time even if it’s a few months, even if it’s a few years to figure yourself out, to learn about who you are and learn to take care of yourself first, it is incredibly inspiring and I am always so proud of you. Even though we both know how much we like to live with someone else, to take care of them when they’re sick, to make sure they’re safe and warm and comfortable, you deserve those things first. Because, after that then you’ll learn how to give those things and take care of someone else without having to carry them every day. And, you will always be who you are and be supportive and a pillar to the people you love, that won’t go away anytime soon. You’re just learning how to do that without giving yourself away completely.
So take this time to find out what you love, what you care about most, to pursue new passions, and make new friendships. And, even on the cold rainy days you’ll always have yourself first and that’s very important. Because just as you tell everyone else, you yourself are so important. Just like the WOPR from WarGames, “you’re learning”, it’s always been your favorite thing so just keep at it every day even if it’s just the small things and even if you don’t learn anything new, you still tried and you can still try tomorrow.
Always remember, large things are made from small things-significance is cumulative but it is not always obvious. Take the next step, that’s all you have to do. I’m proud of you, always. (P.S. watch as many comfort movies as you want to, as many times as you want to, enjoy your books, your cozy armchair, and taking care of your plants.)
Written By A Client, Posted With Permission.