The word “mindfulness” is probably one of the most overused words of the century (maybe I exaggerate, but at least the last decade), and tragically perhaps one of the most misunderstood as well, and it’s getting annoying. The word comes from the Pali word sati, which means awareness, and is an essential part of many Buddhist practices. However, that doesn’t mean that if you practice mindfulness you’re practicing Buddhism, or that you have to be a Buddhist to practice mindfulness. Professor Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally”. Pretty straight-forward. More than just a cognitive process, it is a cognitive skill, which means that it needs to be practiced. One of the most common ways of practicing mindfulness is, you guessed it, through meditation. However, mindfulness goes beyond meditation and can be practiced in a myriad of ways, many of which might feel more accessible than sitting in stillness and silence for several minutes. Many people think they’re bad at mindfulness because they have difficulty with or just don’t enjoy meditation, but I’m here to debunk this myth in a very mindful and demure way:
- Mindfulness isn’t just sitting in meditation
Since mindfulness simply means intentionally bringing your awareness or attention to the present moment with a nonjudgmental attitude, you can practice mindfulness throughout your day, whenever you want. This means that you can go about your day and practice being fully present in what you do. For example, you can practice mindfulness while sitting in traffic as you begin to bring your awareness to your breath or the sensation of your hands on the wheel, noticing your surroundings, or even using the red traffic light as a sign to pause and notice your thoughts (needless to say, it might be a better idea to use moments when you’re at a full stop or stuck in a traffic jam so that you stay safe and keep others safe as well, and you absolutely don’t need to close your eyes). Or while washing your hands, you can practice noticing the smell of the soap, the temperature of the water on your hands, and maybe slowing down a bit so you can truly be present in that moment. You can practice mindfulness while you shower, wash dishes, spend time with your pets, go for a walk, and even practice mindful listening, which means giving your full attention to the person talking to you, without interrupting them or getting caught up in your own thoughts. If you get distracted, as it happens with anybody who’s ever come to this planet as a human being, that’s okay. Notice that you’re distracted, and bring yourself back. Over and over again.
- Mindfulness isn’t having a blank mind or stopping your thoughts
I haven’t confirmed this with him, but I assure you that even the Dalai Lama himself, in all his holiness, has thoughts coming to him when he meditates or practices mindfulness in some way. Having no thoughts is virtually impossible, and an incredibly unrealistic goal, because it sets you up for failure. We all have a “monkey mind” that, at any given moment, has several tabs open and thoughts coming and going. You are not doing it wrong. This is normal and expected. The practice of mindfulness is trying to be the observer of your thoughts, without getting “hooked” onto them or trying to avoid them. As one of my favorite teachers, Pema Chodron, puts it, “You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather”. Your thoughts are like clouds. They are ever changing, they come and go, and sometimes they stick around. That’s perfectly okay. Just notice, and stay curious.
- Mindfulness isn’t a state of relaxation
Being relaxed is not necessarily the same as practicing mindfulness. Of course, you can be relaxed while practicing mindfulness, but mindfulness does require a certain level of alertness, enough to be able to pay intentional attention. If you’re drifting in and out of sleep or are intoxicated, it might be hard to practice mindfulness. Besides, mindfulness takes effort, because it’s not always easy to be the observer of your thoughts and emotions, and staying in the present moment might be very challenging when the present moment isn’t very pleasant to inhabit. A big part of mindfulness, too, might be realizing that, if you’re suffering in a way that feels too big to handle by yourself, the kindest course of action might be putting off this practice for a while and seeking the help or guidance from a trauma-informed mental health professional. A therapist could help you manage your distress, and then, if you’re still interested in practicing mindfulness, they might be able to offer tools to practice trauma-sensitive mindfulness. The practice of mindfulness involves a certain level of discomfort, but if what you experience is full blown pain, pause, and seek additional support.
Let’s practice a quick, mini mindfulness exercise if you’re feeling up to it. As you read these lines, I invite you to bring your attention to your breath. Without changing it, just notice the natural rhythm of your breath in this moment. Notice your chest and your belly moving as you inhale and exhale. If you’re sitting, notice your posture. Is your back straight, or is it hunched? Resist the urge to judge yourself if you notice that you’re not sitting straight. Notice the sensations of your body in this posture. If there is pain, or if your body is telling you to modify your posture, adjust accordingly and notice if the sensations change. Bring your attention to your hands, and just notice where they’re resting. Now, notice your legs and your feet on the ground. Bring your attention to your heels, and even your toes. If you get thoughts like, “This is uncomfortable”, or “I’m hungry”, or even “I’m bored”, simply acknowledge these thoughts, and bring your attention back. Finally, if it feels good, take one deep breath through your nose, and exhale slowly.
You did it.