Have you ever been told to “calm down” or “just stay positive” when you were feeling anxious or overwhelmed? If so, you’re not alone—and you may have found that this kind of advice rarely helps. In fact, sometimes it makes things worse.
It makes sense that we try to get rid of distressing emotions. We’re taught that if we can just “think differently” or “relax,” the bad feelings will go away. And sometimes, yes, regulating your body and shifting your thoughts can be helpful. But what happens when those strategies don’t work—when the anxiety comes back, or never really leaves?
This is where Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different way forward. Rather than helping you “win the fight” against painful thoughts or emotions, ACT invites you to stop fighting. It helps you learn how to make room for discomfort so that you can live more fully and more freely.
In ACT, this practice is called acceptance.
Now, let’s be clear: when most people hear the word “acceptance,” they imagine something passive—giving up, giving in, or resigning themselves to a lifetime of suffering. But that’s not what ACT means by acceptance.
In ACT, acceptance is an active choice. It’s the willingness to allow anxiety, fear, and self-doubt to show up without immediately trying to avoid, resist, or numb them. It means creating space for these emotions—not because we like them or want them, but because fighting them only amplifies the struggle.
Think of it this way: when we’re caught in quicksand, the instinct is to thrash and fight our way out. But that just pulls us in deeper. The way out isn’t to struggle harder—it’s to stop fighting and move differently. Acceptance in ACT works the same way. It’s not about giving up. It’s about choosing to respond in a new way that helps you move forward.
Many of us have been taught that we need to feel better before we can start living better—that once we eliminate anxiety, sadness, or fear, then life can really begin. But this approach often backfires. The more we try to control or avoid uncomfortable emotions, the more stuck we can become.
It’s a paradox: the harder we work to make ourselves feel better, the more we suffer when we inevitably don’t. And the more we focus on trying to control our internal experience, the more disconnected we can become from our values, our goals, and our relationships.
ACT offers a liberating shift in perspective. Healing doesn’t begin when we finally get rid of all our pain. It begins when we say, “This hurts—and I can still live my life.” That simple but powerful shift is where change starts.
Imagine what it would be like to carry your anxiety with you, instead of letting it dictate your every move. Imagine being able to say, “Yes, I’m scared—and I’m still showing up.” That’s not weakness. That’s courage. That’s flexibility. That’s freedom. From this foundation, you can begin to choose what really matters to you—not in the absence of
hard emotions, but right alongside them.
In ACT, this is called committed action: taking steps toward your values, even when it’s uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean ignoring your pain—it means choosing to bring your whole self, emotions and all, into the present moment as you take steps toward the people and goals you care about. Whether that means showing up for a relationship, pursuing a goal, or just getting out of bed when everything in you says to hide, those small acts of courage add up. They help build a life that feels rich and meaningful—not perfect, but real.
So if you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or broken because your attempts to “stay positive” didn’t work, know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe the problem is the idea that you have to feel good to live a good life.
ACT reminds us that we can feel anxious and still be brave. We can feel sadness and still love. We can feel fear and still move forward.
Pain is part of being human—but suffering doesn’t have to be. With compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to sit with discomfort, it’s possible to live with more freedom, not by escaping our pain, but by learning to carry it differently.
You don’t have to keep struggling alone or waiting to feel “better” before you begin living. Acceptance is not the end of the story—it’s the beginning of a more honest, empowered one. With support and intention, you can build a life that honors your pain and your purpose, side by side.
If you’re interested in working with an ACT therapist, you can contact the front desk at Works Counseling Center by calling 615-570-1190 to get started. For those who want to learn more about acceptance or ACT, I highly recommend the book The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It’s a great introduction to the principles of acceptance, mindfulness, and values-based living.