“Quitters never Win”
“Perserverence is key”
“You have to fight for what you want”
You’ve probably heard some version of this at some point in your life. Maybe is came from a teacher or a parent, or even just your peers.
But when is it better to quit than stay the course?
What if quitting is the win – just not the ‘win’ we have been taught to look for?
The win of choosing ourselves over pursuit.
The win of growth over grind.
The win of stepping away from what depletes you, even if you once believed it would define you.
Quitting isn’t always failure- sometimes its wisdom. In therapy we talk about the patterns and behaviors we inherit. The stories we didn’t get to choose but still live by. But what the story of ‘Don’t Quit’ doesn’t know is that staying in the wrong thing for too long can be just as detrimental as quitting too soon.
Whether its a job, a relationship, or even an identity- holding on isn’t always strength.
Its Fear.
And letting go- the can be deeply courageous.
So, start by asking yourself- What am I actually quitting?
When clients talk about leaving their jobs, its rarely about the job itself. It’s about the burnout, the constant pressure to prove their worth, the identity that built entirely on their ability to appear put together. They aren’t quitting a job- they are breaking the pattern overriding their own nervous system for the sake of achievement.
Not all quitting is the same either- sometimes there is a key distinction: Are you quitting because you’re afraid to grow- or- Are you quitting because this no longer fits?
One is avoidance, the other is alignment. Times of hardship are inevitable, but is the difficulty meaningful?
Where are you?
A good way to see is writing a goodbye letter, to the relationship- job- or identity. Write honestly, be conflicted. You are allowed to be grateful- grieving- angry, all at the same time. Write about the good times,the bad times, whatever comes to mind.
Read it out loud to yourself and reflect, maybe something becomes clear during this process. Maybe to stay. Maybe to go.
And in case you need to hear it: You’re allowed to quit.
Sincerely
A Quitter
Sam