As a mental health therapist, I regularly help clients navigate emotional triggers, relational patterns, and the complex ways our thoughts influence our feelings. But I’m also a human being who experiences conflict, frustration, and moments when my own mind jumps to negative assumptions. Over the years, one surprisingly powerful practice has helped me regulate my emotions in these moments: pairing the awareness of mortality with the practice of gratitude.
It may sound dramatic at first, but this approach consistently brings me back to a centered, grounded place. When I notice myself becoming irritated, defensive, or swept up in assumptions about someone’s intentions, I pause and ask myself: “If this were your last interaction with them, would you want to be angry, annoyed, etc.?” Every time, the answer is no. Not because the conflict magically becomes irrelevant, but because this question immediately reconnects me with perspective. It reminds me that every relationship is built on borrowed time. None of us know how many interactions we have left with the people we love or care about.
Once that mortality awareness widens my emotional lens, I intentionally weave in the second step: gratitude. I ask myself, “What am I grateful for about this person?” Sometimes it’s a big thing such as their loyalty, their kindness, or the way they show up in tough times. Other times it’s something small but meaningful. Either way, gratitude acts like a counterweight to the irritation or anger I may have initially felt. This step isn’t about minimizing real concerns or overlooking patterns that need to change. It’s about preventing my mind from funneling me into an overly negative narrative that interprets a tone, a comment, or a misunderstanding as something bigger or more threatening than it actually is. Gratitude redirects my emotional energy. It softens the edges, restores perspective, and brings me back into a compassionate mindset where I can communicate more clearly and calmly.
Incorporating mortality awareness and intentional gratitude is a form of cognitive restructuring which is a technique often used in cognitive-behavioral therapy. Bringing in mortality awareness interrupts whatever automatic thoughts I am having and practicing gratitude challenges negative assumptions with a positive reframe. This process prevents me from spiraling into negative assumptions and creates space to develop more adaptive thinking patterns. It is a small intervention that leads to a significant emotional shift.
It’s important to clarify that this approach is not about suppressing conflict, ignoring boundaries, or pretending everything is fine. Healthy relationships include disagreements, repair, and authentic conversations about needs and expectations. This technique doesn’t resolve every conflict or prevent every miscommunication. But what this practice does consistently offer is emotional clarity. It helps me show up as someone who is grounded, compassionate, present, and aware of the preciousness of time with the people I care about. And if a simple, yet slightly dramatic question and a moment of gratitude can help me let go a little easier and respond a little kinder, I consider that a very worthwhile practice.