Year after year, we see more and more drivers with less and less patience. People zigzagging between lanes, potentially risking others just to get ahead and skip a few cars, only to end up at the same red light as the rest. Road rage incidents, running red lights, people tailgating the car in front of them, honking desperately as soon as the light turns green, speeding, yelling. You might even be starting to tense up as you read this and imagine these scenarios happening on your commute to work, or maybe they even resonated with you and you’re one of these drivers. Whether you notice it happening around you or happening to you, it is clear that people are becoming more easily angered and impatient. We could look at the different factors contributing to this phenomenon, like the immediate gratification that modern society has come to depend on, or the constant rush we seem to always find ourselves in, or even blame it on the other drivers. However, there is no denying that driving in traffic is becoming increasingly stressful, and the toll it takes on us, whether we’re the yeller or the person getting yelled at, not only has the potential to “ruin our day”, but it can have a real gradual impact on our mental health. The stress responses that driving can trigger tend to linger and stay with us, resulting in quick anger, impulsive or reactionary behavior, overall tension, hostility, or, at worst, reckless driving that could put us and others in danger.
Practicing mindfulness in traffic can help us remember our shared humanity in moments when we feel only division, it can help us stay calm and respond appropriately when we want to react, and it can help us be more aware of our own emotions and impulses and the patterns they follow. Why should we care about all this? Well, why wouldn’t we want to navigate our day with more ease instead of adding to the chronic tension in our back, neck, and shoulders after a long day? Every day of our lives, wherever we go, we will have to encounter and often interact with people. Instead of avoiding them or being aggressive toward them, we could do ourselves and others a favor and remember our commonalities rather than our differences. This is taking refuge in each other.
Mindfulness does not ask that we trust everyone, or that we bypass our anger. It does not ask us to take on a careless attitude and arrive late to every meeting. But mindfulness asks us to remember. Remember this moment, remember your breath, and remember your shared humanity with every single driver around you, even the “slow” ones and the ones that put your patience to the test. Those might even be your greatest teachers. When you’re stuck in traffic and you know that if you skip the slow car in front of you, you’ll meet them again at the next traffic light, the only way out is through. Here is a simple yet powerful practice that you can try the next time you’re driving somewhere:
As you’re driving, notice the cars around you. You don’t know where they’re going and they don’t know where you’re going. You may not care, and they may not care about you in return. However, it’s very probable that wherever they’re going, it is as important to them as your destination is to you. We all want to get to where we’re going on time. We all want to arrive safely. Some of us might have family, pets, or friends waiting for us. Some may be going to work, and others may be going home. Both want to get there soon. None of us enjoy being stuck in traffic. In the greater picture, what you’re doing is no more important than what they’re doing, and vice versa. In this realization, you have more in common with the people around you than differences. Let this feeling of shared humanity sink in. You may even practice some lovingkindness and silently wish for all of them, for all of you, to get to your destinations safely. If you notice anger or impatience arising in you, pay attention to these sensations in your body. Do a quick check-in, and ask yourself if there is a real threat in this moment (maybe another driver being reckless or some kind of risky situation). If there is not a real threat, take a few deep, slow breaths, knowing that it’s okay to feel stressed, but reminding yourself gently that you are currently safe.Â
The “threat” of getting there late might bring up anxiety, and this is understandable. Nobody wants to be late. But if you’re at the point where you know that whatever you do, you might be arriving late to your destination, then you may be left with only two choices: To risk yours and others’ safety to try and get there “less late” (if that is even possible) and give yourself the illusion of control in that moment, or to take a deep breath and keep driving safely to get there as soon as possible. One of these choices has the potential to become a real threat, in which case you’d still feel a fight or flight response kicking in, and you might arrive at your destination feeling on edge and hostile toward everyone in your way, and potentially still late. It’s easy to fall in this trap to feel more in control. Not being in control feels like a big threat nowadays, but it’s worth asking ourselves, when are we truly in control? There may be times when we can have some level of control while driving, like making sure we’re being safe and following traffic rules, leaving on time, or taking a familiar shortcut. We can also control our own behavior and choose to practice mindfulness. But the truth is that we cannot control a traffic jam, or what other people do, or how other people drive, or lane closures, or traffic lights. Alas, this means that the light won’t turn green sooner just because we keep inching toward it in anticipation.
Picture this instead: Aware of the things within your control, you choose to practice mindfulness while driving, and remember that we all want to be free and safe, and none of us want to suffer or feel stuck. Aware of the things outside of your control, you choose to turn every red light into an opportunity to breathe deeply. Breathing in, you calm your body. Breathing out, you wish for all drivers to get to wherever they’re going soon, safe, and sound.