Whether you’re new to therapy or have been in therapy in the past, it’s not always easy to find a therapist or therapeutic modality that is a good fit for what you’re looking for, and any therapist should understand this and be supportive as you navigate this initial process. But once you decide to book your first appointment with a new therapist, after making a semi-informed decision based on their bio/profile, their listed specialties or areas of focus, whether or not they take your insurance, etc., how can you further assess whether or not you’ll be staying with them?
Those first few sessions are as much about them getting to know you as they are about you getting to know them as a professional and understanding how they work. The boundaries of a therapeutic relationship may keep you from knowing details about their personal lives (every therapist feels differently about self-disclosure), but that doesn’t mean that you can’t ask them about who they are as a mental health professional or that the therapeutic alliance between you and them is any less important. In fact, studies have shown that the relationship between therapist and client has a significant impact on therapy outcomes. That said, the first few sessions may feel a little awkward, and, as long as you still feel safe, this is normal. Your therapist is human too! They may also be a little awkward or quirky meeting a new human, but they should always make you feel safe and like they’re fully present with you. Note that I am trying to be mindful of language here, so I am intentionally not using the word “comfortable”, because therapy is sometimes an uncomfortable process, with big emotions, deep reflections, accountability, new insight, and hard work. So, while it’s not always comfortable, it should always feel like a safe space and your new therapist should meet you where you’re at and go at your own pace, without things feeling rushed or pressured.
So, what are you allowed to ask your therapist? Technically, you’re allowed to ask them whatever you want, just know that if it is a personal question, they may choose not to answer. But when it comes to who they are as a therapist, here are a few questions you can ask to help you decide whether or not they’re a good fit for you:
- Tell me more about your areas of focus or how you came to do the type of work that you do.
This can tell you more about their professional trajectory, their passions as a clinician, and their motives. - What is your experience working with X population/concern?
This can tell you more about their direct experience working with a certain population, diagnosis, or experience, as well as some of their knowledge or scope of competence. - What therapeutic modalities do you use? Could you briefly explain how they work/what that means?
This can tell you more about what you can expect therapy to be like with them. You can also get more specific and ask questions about how they handle some things in session, such as dysregulation, misunderstandings, communication, etc. - What values or guiding principles do you have as a therapist?
This can tell you more about what’s important to them as a therapist and the foundation of their work or the intentions they’re guided by.
- Questions about case conceptualization, theories, or accommodations (in other words, any questions you might have about how they view “presenting problems” and experiences, theories or concepts they incorporate into their work, and how they can accommodate your needs).
This can initiate an honest dialogue about more specific things that inform how your therapist does therapy and how they can meet your individual needs.
Don’t be afraid to ask your new therapist questions about how they work, and pay attention to how they respond. Questions and feedback are always welcome, including feedback about interventions that don’t work for you or aren’t a good fit. Therapy is a good place to learn and practice assertive communication, boundaries, and repair. And remember, you get to decide.