Self-compassion has been an essential part of my healing journey and self-care practice. So much so, that one of the primary therapeutic modalities that I use in therapy with my clients is called Compassion-Focused Therapy, and I often like to pair it with gentle movement, informed by my training in trauma-informed yoga. People often ask me how to practice self-compassion, and I have written other articles with examples on how to start your self-compassion practice, but I have yet to talk about one of my personal favorites: supportive touch. Some people also call this compassionate touch or soothing touch. Many of us have heard of the benefits of touch for attachment and nervous system regulation. As infants develop, touch and skin-to-skin contact are absolutely vital. However, few of us know that many of these benefits also apply to self-compassionate touch as a way to activate our parasympathetic nervous system, a.k.a our “rest and digest” response. Our bodies respond to physical gestures of comfort and care, whether they come from others or from ourselves. Touch releases oxytocin, which lowers stress hormones and promotes a sense of safety and relaxation. It lowers our heart rate, strengthens our immune system, and has even been found to help relieve and manage pain. Now, self-touch cannot substitute a hug from someone we care about or touch from a loved one (touch also strengthens our bonds with others and is an important form of communication), but offering yourself supportive touch can be a wonderful way to practice self-compassion and strengthen your bond with yourself. Your own touch can be healing, too. Here are a few of my favorite ways to practice supportive touch:
- A hand on your heart, and another on your belly
If placing a hand on your belly is triggering or feels like too much, you can always just place both hands on your heart. Taking a few deep breaths, notice your hands moving with the natural rising and falling of your chest. When I do this, I like to offer myself a caring affirmation, such as “You are safe”. If you have some experience with self-compassion, I might even do a RAIN practice (I wrote another article about RAIN recently).
- Cupping your cheek with your hand
If you rest your cheek gently on the palm of your hand and slightly tilt your head to that side and close your eyes, this can feel like an incredibly caring gesture, and it naturally brings a soft smile to my lips. I might even stroke my cheek with my hand and take a few breaths or speak some kind words to myself.
- Self-hug
Just wrap your arms around yourself! You can do it to where your hands are resting on opposite arms, or bring it up toward your neck, with one hand resting on the opposite shoulder and the other gently holding the back of your neck or head. I like to do this one in silence and just practice some mindfulness, being careful not to judge myself, the emerging feelings, or the moment. Usually when I hug myself, I instinctively start to rock my body side to side, and this feels soothing for me. Feel free to explore with a few different ways to move your body or, if you prefer, you can just stay still. Whatever works for you.
Beginning to incorporate supportive touch into your self-care routine can feel awkward or silly at first, but after some practice it might start to come naturally. It’s okay to sit with the awkwardness too! Discomfort is normal. As always, if this practice feels painful or really hard, you can always ask your therapist for help, and they can either practice with you or do some resourcing and work with trauma-informed care principles to slowly approach this practice and adapt it to your individual needs, making it more accessible. May you find the supportive touch practice that resonates the most with you and feels the most soothing.