Recall the last time you were overwhelmed, melting down, or spiraling; sometimes is like an existential wound rising up from our soul like a fog over a dank swamp.
Sometimes, it’s just that our Inner Child Gremlin™ hasn’t eaten, slept, drunk water, or talked to a single friendly human in six hours.
A lot of people picture their inner child as a doe-eyed, timid protagonist a lot of the time. Mine- and probably yours sometimes- is actually a chaotic little creature with crumbs, sticky fingers, emotions that feel too-big, and a flair for the dramatic because she missed snack time.
Meet Your Gremlin: The Emotional Goblin Union Rep
Your Inner Child Gremlin doesn’t care about your calendar, obligations, or ambition. It cares about survival-level comforts:
- Am I hungry?
- Am I tired?
- Am I lonely?
- Am I overwhelmed, overstimulated, or otherwise feral?
If the answer to any of these is “yes,” the Gremlin will begin union negotiations in the form of:
- Snappiness
- Catastrophizing
- Crying over dropped snacks
- Doom scrolling
- Contemplating burning your life down for no reason
- Suddenly declaring that everyone hates you
Let me introduce you to a quick body check-in method: HALT or The Inner
Gremlin Care Manual
It’s basically a fancy acronym for:
“Have you tried giving the Gremlin a snack?”
HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.
When any of these categories is outstanding it can feel like the world is ending, which is exactly what our nervous system is designed to do.
Heres a quick break down;
H — Hungry
Is your blood sugar on the floor?
Have you consumed nothing but caffeine and spite today? Congratulations, your Gremlin is staging a coup.
Fix: eat literally anything that didn’t come out of a vending machine fight.
A — Angry (or Anxious)
Our Gremlins aren’t great at emotional literacy. Everything gets labeled as “MAD” or “AHHh.”
Sometimes anger is actually fear, sadness, or overwhelm wearing a leather jacket.
Fix:
- pace,
- stretch,
- shake your hands like you’re expelling demons, • say, “This is uncomfortable but not dangerous,” or
- scream into a pillow like a Victorian ghost.
L — Lonely
Your Gremlin is a social creature. Not necessarily people social—maybe “send meme to trusted human” social.
Fix:
Text someone, sit in a café, pet something fuzzy, or say one human sentence out loud.
T — Tired
Every single emotion is 800% worse when you haven’t slept. Gremlins become tiny drunk toddlers after 9pm.
Fix:
Nap, sit down, close your eyes for two minutes, burrito yourself in a blanket like a healing salve.
Self-Soothing = Gremlin Enrichment Activities
Sometimes our inner coding will tell us that self-soothing is not something an adult should need or do. However, the fact is that self-soothing will help you re-regulate faster than a self-imposed lecture ever will.
Here are some of my favorite Self-soothing activities:
- warm drink
- soft textures
- cozy nook
- familiar show
- weighted blanket
- stepping outside for one (1) lungful of fresh air
- letting your brain stare blankly at a wall like it’s buffering
When You Treat the Gremlin with Care… It Stops Biting
This is the part people underestimate.
The Inner Child Gremlin doesn’t need you to be perfect.
It needs you to show kindness, curiosity, and maybe a nap.
So next time you’re spiraling?
Check if the Gremlin is just hungry.
An honorary Gremlin in a trenchcoat,
Sam