The holidays are often a time that can bring about mixed emotions. It is not unusual to feel joy and nostalgia mixed with social pressure, loneliness, or sensory overwhelm. As a therapist, I am quick to remind my clients that it’s okay to hold more than one emotion at a time. The holidays may not always feel magical, and that’s okay. It’s important, during the holiday season, to manage expectations and engage in self-compassion, rather than expect perfection from oneself or others.
It’s important to first normalize and validate that there are so many potential stressors throughout the holiday season. While these may not all affect a person every year, it’s likely that at some point, a person will experience one or more of these stressors in their life during the holiday season.
One area of potential stress is social and family expectations. Frequently, it may be expected that a person spends time between family events, company parties, or children’s performances. Balancing time commitments, boundaries, and maintaining a semblance of normalcy during the holiday season can feel impossible at times. Factor in potentially differing values or worldviews from some of the people you may be spending time with, and that adds additional stress to a situation.
Another possible stressor could be financial pressure. Oftentimes, people enjoy providing gifts for their loved ones during the holiday season, add to that the cost of holiday travel, parties, and performances, and the cost of “doing it all” can feel staggering, if not impossible.
Although the holiday season is often touted as a time full of magic and joy, the reality is that feelings of grief or loneliness are also often prevalent. The impact of missing a loved one who has passed away or experiencing disconnection in relationships can make the holidays a particularly difficult time of year.
Also,sensory or emotional overload can sometimes be the tipping point that makes the holidays feel like “too much.” Dealing with crowded parties, airports, or shopping centers is one possible reason for this. Another reason for overwhelm occurs when routines are disrupted, which could lead to potential overstimulation and dysregulation for individuals of all ages.
Finally, an internal pressure to appear happy or “together” can be difficult to maintain amongst all of the other factors that arise during the holiday season.
The good news is that many therapy skills learned to manage day-to-day life stressors can be applied to make the holiday season more manageable, and maybe even enjoyable. First, it is important to name and normalize one’s emotions during a stressful time. The mindfulness skill of nonjudgment can be particularly helpful in this case. Acknowledging emotions without judgment provides a sense of safety to the person experiencing the emotions, and sends a message that all emotions have a place. Journaling can also be helpful for processing emotions. Writing out one’s worries or expectations related to a holiday event or season can help release painful emotions and offer a valuable reset to one’s headspace. It’s important to remember that the goal of naming emotions is not to fix them, but to create space for them.
It can also be helpful to revisit boundaries during the holiday season. One can consider how they hope to spend their emotional energy, time, and finances and create boundaries around those domains. This way, a person knows what they are able to commit to, and it can lessen pressure felt to conform to others’ expectations. Once a person knows their boundaries in the areas they have deemed important, they can create scripts for saying “no” firmly but kindly. This returns the power back to the person saying “no” and helps them to feel a little bit more autonomy around a season that can already be stressful.
Making time for self-regulation can also be helpful during a time when increased expectations for social engagement are prevalent. Examples of this include building in time for sensory or emotional breaks. This can look like using grounding exercises, such as 5-4-3-2-1, engaging in deep breathing, or going for a walk outside. Maintaining a balance between engaging socially and self-regulating can provide much needed equilibrium during the holiday season.
Redefining connection is another possibility for easing stress during the holiday season. Focusing on quality over quantity is one way to do this. Focus more on making moments meaningful rather than being present at every event. There is also permission to create new traditions that feel aligned with one’s values, rather than the expectations of others. Connection can also be valuable and relevant when connecting with oneself, one’s pets, and/or nature as well.
As the holiday season is upon us, it’s important to consider these questions for reflection:
What do I actually need this season?
What am I saying yes to out of obligation versus joy?
What would “peaceful” look like for me this year?
The holidays often feel heavy, and you’re not alone in feeling that way. To make this season more manageable and maybe even meaningful, try slowing down and reconnecting with your values. Prioritizing your values over the expectations of others can insure you’re getting what you need from the holiday season. Wishing you all moments of calm, connection, and self-kindness during this holiday season – whatever that looks like for you.