As we enter into this holiday season, the world quickly reminds us the day after Halloween that Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Diwali and Christmas are lurking in the future weeks. We think of multicolored lights wrapped around the trees, the many casserole dishes that fill the counters and seeing family again. Home for the holidays, that sentence may bring upon warm fuzzy feelings or perhaps irritation and exhaustion. The holidays are simultaneously supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year, but it also truly can be the exact opposite for many people. This makes a lot of sense, given as you return home the same dynamics that occurred when you were younger play out once again right before your eyes. It can be scary to return to old patterns, but as you enter into this season perhaps emotionally preparing yourself can help it feel less jarring. Through this blog I hope to provide you with a few ideas to help you to start thinking about how you can help yourself emotionally survive this often stressful time.
First I want to take the time to acknowledge, this truly is normal to experience stress around the holiday season. It isn’t often talked about how holidays can actually sometimes be unenjoyable. Society loves to emphasize whole families coming together, enjoying a beautiful meal and celebrating the holidays with little hiccups. It can be disorienting for that to be the expectation, when some family members bring certain anxieties and attitudes that clash. Family members are often where some of the most complex relationships occur. So what can we do to prepare? I think intentionally incorporating self-care habits that you already know work for you regularly can be a great way to create a safe space. If coloring helps you destress, set aside some time before or after to let your mind unwind. Perhaps self care activities can even be incorporated at the event itself, such as taking a brief walk or deep breathing in the bathroom. It can also be beneficial to have a safe person on deck for if you need someone to talk to throughout the holiday. This could be a partner, a good friend, the fun aunt, whoever you trust to show up for you. In addition, for family members who like to step all over our boundaries, sometimes it can be hard to bring up these hard conversations on an already stressful day. It may be helpful to instead of clearly placing a boundary, just simply acting as if that boundary already exists. For example if a family member often criticizes your parenting choices, instead of arguing, you could excuse yourself from that conversation or redirect the topic: “I’d rather talk about something else—how’s your new project going?” You’re showing that personal topics like your parenting are off-limits without directly confronting them. Another effective approach is cognitive reframing, which is essentially changing how you think about challenging situations. Instead of telling yourself, “I have to survive this family gathering,” try shifting your perspective to, “I can handle this in manageable pieces, and I can take care of myself along the way.” Research in cognitive-behavioral therapy shows that reframing stressful thoughts in a more compassionate or practical way can significantly reduce emotional distress. Another helpful tool is mindfulness in the moment. During gatherings, it’s easy to get swept up in tension or old family patterns. Pausing for a few slow breaths, noticing your surroundings, or even focusing on the taste of your food can help anchor you in the present. It’s also okay to step away when needed—whether for a short walk, a quiet moment, or a quick phone call to a supportive friend. These small pauses aren’t avoidance; they’re intentional strategies to protect your emotional energy and maintain your sense of calm amidst the holiday busyness.
Letting go of the expectation that the holidays are always “most wonderful time of the year” can help with the pressure we often put on ourselves. As we reflect on the reality of how our holidays have gone, it may be helpful to once again show up for ourselves. Reward yourself for pushing through another long holiday season, and let yourself take a break after all the chaos. The good news is that New Year’s is just around the corner, bringing the opportunity for fresh beginnings. Experiencing holiday dread can feel heavy, but once the holidays have passed, it’s the perfect time to give yourself a fresh start—whether that means setting new goals, prioritizing self-care, or simply embracing a calmer, more intentional pace.